Болеро

Один мой старый приятель как-то признался – «лучше всего я сочиняю экспромтом на темы, в которых ни черта не понимаю…» Он был с юмором, но не врал. Давно было, я тогда еще не рисовал. Как вспоминаются слова, вроде забытые?.. Нужен намек. Картинка, слово, или звук знакомый… И разом всплывают. Вроде, незначительные слова, события… Но, думаю, важные, иначе зачем бы так — сразу, целиком проступают. Как изображение на фотобумаге. Мы часто с ним печатали фотографии. Напряженное молчание в темноте, красный фонарик в углу, и в ванночке перед нами чернеет, проявляется – картинка. На ней небольшое событие, или дерево, кусочек двора, где он жил… Неважно, что возникает, сам процесс важней. Много фотографировали, проявляли пленку, печатали фотографии… Он вырос, и стал говорить экспромтом на незнакомые темы. Стихи писал. Но недолго прожил, до сорока, его тема прервалась. А я сначала лет двадцать гулял, пробовал темы разные, пока к своим не пришел. Наверное, оттого моя жизнь длинней, на те самые двадцать пять, что нас разделяют. И расстояние все увеличивается… Желание обладать вещами трудно понять, другое дело – время, особая субстанция; жадность ко времени понятна. Получаем не крупными купюрами – мелочью минут и дней. Существуют картинки, сценки, слова, события, лица, способные соединять разорванные нити, сращивать концы. Занятие фотографией, химическое таинство, важным оказалось. Когда начал писать рассказики, тут же вспомнилась темнота и тишина в ванной комнате. Наверное, дом как стоял, так и стоит, а смотреть не хочу. Вход во двор через круглую арку, низкий проход во двор, мощеный плотно вбитыми в землю круглыми камнями… Мама говорила, никто теперь не умеет эти камни вбивать плотно, надежно. А я думал, неужели, это же так просто… А потом вопрос сам решился — перестали камнями улицы мостить, наверное, потому что не осталось мастеров. А может наоборот, все полюбили ровный скучный асфальт, а разные по цвету и форме камни раздражать начали…
Так многие вопросы в жизни решаются, их обходят и забывают. Но это обман, они снова всплывают, только в иной форме, и все равно приходится решать. Уроки не сделаны! Давай, фотки утром посмотрим… Но иногда не успевали посмотреть, опаздывали в школу. Я жил рядом на другой улице, близко, если дворами, то через два забора, в них дыры. Он всегда опаздывал. Мы жили у моря. Прибалтика, ветер никогда теплым не бывает. Я мерз, злился, ждал его… Он все равно появлялся неожиданно, переводил дух, и говорил – «опять я фотографии забыл убрать… мать будет ругаться.» Его часто ругали, он школу не любил. Все умел делать руками, в технике разбирался, быстро соображал, но школу терпеть не мог, был двоечником. А я никогда не думал, люблю — не люблю… знал, что надо, и всё. Наверное, тоже не любил, там слишком громко, толкотня, постоянно приходится говорить и отбиваться… Зато мы играли в фантики. Откуда только брались эти бумажки… От очень дорогих конфет! Но это я сейчас удивляюсь, а тогда мне и в голову не приходило — кто-то ведь ел эти конфеты! После войны!.. Нам с другом матери приносили подушечки, голые конфетки, иногда с блестящими красными и розовыми полосками, иногда обсыпанные коричневым порошком, кофе с сахаром или даже какао. Мы сначала обсасывали конфетки, и только потом жевали. Вернее, он жевал, а я – долго сосал, до-о-лго… Никогда не жевал. Наверное, потому он стал поэтом, а я еле-еле выкарабкался из своих зарослей… и никогда стихов не писал, никогда… А теперь что говорить… старики не пишут их, известное дело.
Мы шли в школу, рядом музыка, почти всегда с нами. Утром по радиоточке классика, играли оркестры. Это сейчас все поют, умеют — не умеют… Мы шли, и с нами была одна мелодия. Почти каждый день. Или теперь так кажется? Неважно, когда что-то интересное рисуешь или пишешь, всегда преувеличиваешь, а как же!.. Я спрашивал у мамы, что это, она говорит – Болеро, был такой композитор Равель. А почему она повторяется, на месте толчется? Мама усмехалась, ну, не совсем на месте, но я не знаю, зачем он это, действительно, написал, одна мелодия сто лет. Не сто, конечно, но всю дорогу продолжалась. Зато я эти дома, заборы, камни на дороге, тротуары, садики, дворики, которые в сумерках еле видны, до сих пор помню. Хотя мы даже не смотрели — думали, редко говорили. Тогда дети были другими… послевоенные дети. А может кажется, никогда не знаешь, как на самом деле. Только слышу – болеро, и мы идем, идем, идем в школу… Болеро как жизнь. Одна и та же тема, а рост, развитие только усложнение оркестровки. И жизнь как Болеро, только в конце неясность ожидает. То ли обрыв на вершине усложнения, то ли снова все просто — кончается как началось…

Автор: DM

Дан Маркович родился 9 октября 1940 года в Таллине. По первой специальности — биохимик, энзимолог. С середины 70-х годов - художник, автор нескольких сот картин, множества рисунков. Около 20 персональных выставок живописи, графики и фотонатюрмортов. Активно работает в Интернете, создатель (в 1997 г.) литературно-художественного альманаха “Перископ” . Писать прозу начал в 80-е годы. Автор четырех сборников коротких рассказов, эссе, миниатюр (“Здравствуй, муха!”, 1991; “Мамзер”, 1994; “Махнуть хвостом!”, 2008; “Кукисы”, 2010), 11 повестей (“ЛЧК”, “Перебежчик”, “Ант”, “Паоло и Рем”, “Остров”, “Жасмин”, “Белый карлик”, “Предчувствие беды”, “Последний дом”, “Следы у моря”, “Немо”), романа “Vis vitalis”, автобиографического исследования “Монолог о пути”. Лауреат нескольких литературных конкурсов, номинант "Русского Букера 2007". Печатался в журналах "Новый мир", “Нева”, “Крещатик”, “Наша улица” и других. ...................................................................................... .......................................................................................................................................... Dan Markovich was born on the 9th of October 1940, in Tallinn. For many years his occupation was research in biochemistry, the enzyme studies. Since the middle of the 1970ies he turned to painting, and by now is the author of several hundreds of paintings, and a great number of drawings. He had about 20 solo exhibitions, displaying his paintings, drawings, and photo still-lifes. He is an active web-user, and in 1997 started his “Literature and Arts Almanac Periscope”. In the 1980ies he began to write. He has four books of short stories, essays and miniature sketches (“Hello, Fly!” 1991; “Mamzer” 1994; “By the Sweep of the Tail!” 2008; “The Cookies Book” 2010), he wrote eleven short novels (“LBC”, “The Turncoat”, “Ant”, “Paolo and Rem”, “White Dwarf”, “The Island”, “Jasmine”, “The Last Home”, “Footprints on the Seashore”, “Nemo”), one novel “Vis Vitalis”, and an autobiographical study “The Monologue”. He won several literary awards. Some of his works were published by literary magazines “Novy Mir”, “Neva”, “Kreshchatyk”, “Our Street”, and others.

Болеро: 120 комментариев

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  11. You are so right, and it only my enduring cluelessness–and current preoccupation with other projects–that prevented her inclusion. When I update the list–and I promise I will–she’ll be on it. I’m overdue on my “Rising Stars” post, but there are sooooo many these day–which can only be a good thing. Bottom line, I hope Jimmy Moore’s post next year has a little more diversity!

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  13. Hi Mary!My mom used to make a version of this back in the day of meatless Fridays. She would use the coking water of pasta (usually broken up pieces of spaghetti), a can of baby peas and the egg mixed with Parmesan cheese.I think it was made when mom's food budget was stretched thin, but we all loved it.

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  18. Get the chickens and hide them from hubster.Get yourself some White Rocks for the eggs (they lay like mad) and then for fun get some araucanas–they lay Easter eggs! And don’t forget a goose or two or three to keep the coyotes and raccoons away. Just in case you’re worried about burglars, get some guinea fowl.Put up a screen and hubster will never know they’re there.

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  21. oui, il a du abuser du pastis frelaté , je ne vois plus que ça et plus on va approcher de la date fatale, plus il va s’énerver et avoir du mal à rédiger ses étrons et attaques contre les fonctionnaires etc..

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  34. Jenny: Thanks for the kind words but this encounter is inevitable. I’ve been training all summer and my coach thinks I’m ready for it. the whole dojo’s going to turn out! I just want to thank my mother for having faith in me and my personal trainer for sticking with me! My message to Mike Barrier: «Carne con Chile, gringo! Bring it on!!!!»On another topic, can you tell me more about the Kovaks parody? I never saw it.Kali: Faust!? I know a great Faust story! I haven’t got time to tell it here but remind me later and I’ll make a blog out of it!

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  45. Obviously Field, you don’t. You just picked up the latest cause of the white people. They aren’t screaming their heads off about Cogo as much as about Darfur. Why? Finding Muslims the scapegoat is quite easy, isn’t it?Everytime there is criticism of Israel, people ask why aren’t you focusing on Darfur? The question is why are you trying to change the subject?Field, why couldn’t you have mentioned Darfur without making it a Muslim/Arab issue? It’s not. It’s a humanitarian disaster and deserves condemnation, but WHY COMPARE it to Israel/Palestine?Fishy.

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  57. Yupp, she’s definately going clockwise. Though, my hubby, who’s left-brained, saw it going clockwise too. Rebecca- Hi fellow southpaw! Does anyone know where that saying even came from, ‘southpaw’? Happy Monday :o)~-Avery

  58. I am currently trying to figure out the whole training process, and I have got to say that I am overwhelmed by the amount of paper your archive covers. I have a lot of the rental agreement type stuff, and eviction process. But wow, and thanks.

  59. Ja, das ist echt gruselig, was man da zu lesen bekommt.Warum beschleicht mich das unangenehme Gefühl, dass da ein Exempel statuiert werden soll (A: wer da hin geht ist per se schuldig; B: denkt immer daran, wer hier am längeren hebel sitzt)?Brrr, ein schnöder kalter winterwind durchfröstelt mich …P.S: Euer “Trolle reden nicht, sie grunzen”, ist mit Abstand das beste was mir seit langem untergekommen ist. *ROTFL*

  60. Hi, on purpose. certainly made me think differently I’m interested in the topic myself and I have never read such a great piece of work on a site like this. cool to read a new text I hope it will be posted in no time! writing new texts! really worth contributing Cheers!

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