Из неопубликованного (версия «Острова»)

– Кем ты хочешь быть, сынок?
Теперь уже часто забываю, как его звали, отец и отец, и мать к нему также. Он был намного старше ее, бывший моряк. С ним случилась история, которая описана в книге, или почти такая же, теперь никто не узнает, не проверит. Преимущество старости… или печальное достояние?.. – обладание недоказуемыми истинами.
Так вот, отец…
Он лежал в огромной темной комнате, а может мне казалось, что помещение огромно, так бывает в пещерах, стены прячутся в темноте. Я видел его пальцы. Я избегаю слова «помню», ведь невозможно говорить о том, чего не помнишь… Да, пальцы видел, они держались за край одеяла, большие, костистые, с очень тонкой прозрачной и гладкой, даже блестящей кожей… они держались за надежную ткань, поглаживали ее… То и дело по рукам пробегала дрожь, тогда пальцы вцеплялись в ткань с торопливой решительностью, будто из-под отца вырывали почву, и он боялся, что не устоит. Руки вели себя как два краба, все время пытались убежать вбок, но были связаны между собой невидимой нитью.
А над руками возвышался его подбородок, массивный, заросший темной щетиной… дальше я не видел, только временами поблескивал один глаз, он ждал ответа. А что я мог ответить – кем можно быть, если я уже есть…
– Так что для тебя важно, сын?
– Хочу жить на необитаемом Острове.
Руки дернулись и застыли, судорожно ухватив край одеяла.
– Это нельзя, нельзя, дружок. Я понимаю… Но человек с трудом выносит самого себя. Это не профессия, не занятие… Я спрашиваю другое – что тебе нужно от жизни? Сначала выясни это, может, уживешься… лучше, чем я. Надо пытаться…
У него не было сил объяснять. И в то же время в нем чувствовалось нарастающее напряжение, он медленно, но неуклонно раздражался, хотя был смертельно болен и слаб.
– Хочу жить на необитаемом остро…
– Кем ты хочешь стать, быть?
– Жить на необитаемом… Я не хочу быть, я – есть… Я не хочу… Никем.
– Юношеские бредни, – сказала мать, она проявилась из темноты, у изголовья стояла, и, наклонившись к блестящему глазу, поправила подушку. – Я зажгу свет.
Отец не ответил, только руки еще крепче ухватились за ткань. Нехотя разгорелся фитилек керосиновой лампы на столике, слева от кровати… если от меня, то слева… и осветилась комната, помещение дома, в котором я жил. Я недаром подчеркиваю это свойство, справа–слева, основанное на простой симметрии нашего тела, два возможных варианта… знаю, как это важно, и сколько трудностей и огорчений возникает, когда один отсчитывает стороны от себя, не беря в расчет другого, а другой великодушно делает уступку и в центр отсчета ставит своего собеседника или друга.
Тогда я упорствовал напрасно, книжные пристрастия и увлечения, не более… они соседствовали со страстным влечением к людям, интересом, стремлением влиться в общий поток. Но вот удивительно — своя истина была гениально угадана недорослем, хотя не было ни капли искренности, сплошные заблуждения, никакого еще понимания своего несоответствия… Но возникло уже предчувствие бесполезности всех усилий соответствовать. Ощущения не обманывают нас.

Автор: DM

Дан Маркович родился 9 октября 1940 года в Таллине. По первой специальности — биохимик, энзимолог. С середины 70-х годов - художник, автор нескольких сот картин, множества рисунков. Около 20 персональных выставок живописи, графики и фотонатюрмортов. Активно работает в Интернете, создатель (в 1997 г.) литературно-художественного альманаха “Перископ” . Писать прозу начал в 80-е годы. Автор четырех сборников коротких рассказов, эссе, миниатюр (“Здравствуй, муха!”, 1991; “Мамзер”, 1994; “Махнуть хвостом!”, 2008; “Кукисы”, 2010), 11 повестей (“ЛЧК”, “Перебежчик”, “Ант”, “Паоло и Рем”, “Остров”, “Жасмин”, “Белый карлик”, “Предчувствие беды”, “Последний дом”, “Следы у моря”, “Немо”), романа “Vis vitalis”, автобиографического исследования “Монолог о пути”. Лауреат нескольких литературных конкурсов, номинант "Русского Букера 2007". Печатался в журналах "Новый мир", “Нева”, “Крещатик”, “Наша улица” и других. ...................................................................................... .......................................................................................................................................... Dan Markovich was born on the 9th of October 1940, in Tallinn. For many years his occupation was research in biochemistry, the enzyme studies. Since the middle of the 1970ies he turned to painting, and by now is the author of several hundreds of paintings, and a great number of drawings. He had about 20 solo exhibitions, displaying his paintings, drawings, and photo still-lifes. He is an active web-user, and in 1997 started his “Literature and Arts Almanac Periscope”. In the 1980ies he began to write. He has four books of short stories, essays and miniature sketches (“Hello, Fly!” 1991; “Mamzer” 1994; “By the Sweep of the Tail!” 2008; “The Cookies Book” 2010), he wrote eleven short novels (“LBC”, “The Turncoat”, “Ant”, “Paolo and Rem”, “White Dwarf”, “The Island”, “Jasmine”, “The Last Home”, “Footprints on the Seashore”, “Nemo”), one novel “Vis Vitalis”, and an autobiographical study “The Monologue”. He won several literary awards. Some of his works were published by literary magazines “Novy Mir”, “Neva”, “Kreshchatyk”, “Our Street”, and others.

Из неопубликованного (версия «Острова»): 115 комментариев

  1. ANN C. BARNES dit :Pulvar – détestable, médiocre journaliste, pas crédible – mérite un bon coup de pied ….. quelque part, afin de remettre son ego de névrosée décalée en place !elle joue sur plusieurs tableaux : arrogance, relations troubles avec la politique et les politiciens, insultante, ridiculement imbue de sa petite personne… qu’elle dégage du paysage media et autres, cette femme de couleur est pétrie de haine et de complexes.Vous serez à la hauteur face à cette nuisance : Pulvar !

  2. Thanks Mary; Poetry Tuesday is a good idea. I have a habit of only posting the oddities to the blog. I'll try to remember on Tuesdays to post more of my published poems or poems which are now finished. And yes her dog was called Puppet.

  3. I love footbath to relax myself or after an exam at the University I have two product of this lavender Avon line and I think they’re amazing.I have the foot cream… I’m not a lavender fan but I find its scent very pleasant and relaxing!!! I like it!xoxo

  4. I'm not even entirely sure it IS a spoiler. Unless Mark is planning on reading the comics. It's pretty much all speculation after Serenity, and even if you read the comics, you can pretty much ignore them as canon if you want. It's not like I'm giving away anything that happens in the series or the movie. That's why I originally put the '?' in there. I also refrained from posting the actual spoiler. I just linked to it. No need to get all lecturey. I know Mark hates spoilers.

  5. [..YouTube..] I should have thought of that!!! LOL This was my first week that I’ve been working out, and done a lot of it! and the same thing happened a couple days ago. Even though it may not be a big number tomorrow (especially after Thanksgiving), knowing it will come off! Stay focused and Have an amazing Thanksgiving!! Hugs!

  6. I do not know if the problem I encountered today with my gmail account has anything to do with this problem, but someone managed to use my gmail address and gmail address book to post a spam email to all people in my address book using my gmail address as sender.

  7. Ultimately, the goal of a social state is to break down any private relationships and thoughts that aren’t oriented towards the state’s utilitarian needs. Sweden’s education system, like the rest of the EU, results in a homogeneity of thought. The education system in Sweden can only be called good if your yardstick is based on quantifiable metrics and not virtues. Weimar Germany also excelled against that yardstick. As for me, I’ll choose the love of my mother over the knowledge of a state certified teacher any day.

  8. This cake is incredible! I just made a cherry/chocolate version, using dried cherries and a chocolate ganache on top (I am not vegan). I cannot believe how good this cake is. One thing though — when I was blending the filling, it got too stiff and I had to use some water. I wonder if it was because my lemons were not as juicy or something….

  9. Hm. If this was something I was writing as a story, the twist might be that the youtube clips with the dubbed dialogue which started the whole thing (or were used as the excuse) were made by an agent of some terrorist organization like al-Qaeda. Njah, probably not. Would make a good story, though.

  10. Hmm. Hämärän dementoituneen mieleni sopukoissa kuulosti tutulta. Tyypistä on varmaan joskus jossain ollut puhetta. Kiitos kun kerroit, minuakin suorastaan raivostuttaa amerikkalaistyylinen ylialleviivaus, toistavat ja päällekäyvät väliötsikot ja niin edelleen. taidan katsoa luennon, jos joskus kiinnostaa ja kun olen nopeampien nettiyhteyksien sfääreissä.ps. Olen vieläkin K. Blixenin Talviten tarinoiden äärellä, tosin se on ollut kesän ajan hyllytettynä.Nimim. Maailman hitain

  11. geht also mehr um die Mitleser als um die Mitschreiber.”Das ist mir klar, Eliyah.Deswegen nehme ich es auch völlig gelassen, wenn hier mal wieder einer wutnickelt oder mich persönlich angeht.Der Leser macht sich dann schon selbst sein Bild.

  12. J’étais devant mon écran, ce soir là… Un grand moment de bonheur. Ah! j’ai repris votre vidéo dans mon blog, avec vos références évidemment. Bonne soirée. Bien amicalement…

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  14. “While this does address most of the quality issues I had with my original Ticino, the price increase puts it dangerously close to competitors from more well-known brands.”Which competitors does it get close to? It’s still only ~$200. The only close competitor I know of is Maratac. Am interested in your response. Thank you for your review.

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  17. I think that particular piece was one that one of my fans submitted to me for Transsexual Pinups #1, and I used it on that DVD already (which means that I will come up with something else for this scene when it’s on the rubber themed DVD)

  18. Zazie, I don't wear Fracas at all. I have a full bottle of Vamp à NY so that would be the more spontaneous choice in that register. Like Victoria of Bois de Jasmin, I find Une Voix Noire is a scent I'm growing into, though I found it much stronger and more long-lasting than she did.

  19. I saw the Richard Black tweet, he’s clearly now scrapingnhard against the bottom of his barrell. In his mind everything is now clearly related to climate change, he reports and retweets every crackpot idea he finds. Utterly discredited idiot.   4 likes

  20. It's too bad that nothing Mr. Apuzzo states is historically correct, constitutional nor legal precedent. And… he knows it… or certainly should know it.While it's highly unlikely, perhaps one day he'll get to argue his ridiculous "legal theory" before SCOTUS, though the fact he could not even convince an administrative law judge of his nonsense, I doubt the SCOTUS justices will be impressed.

  21. hello! this is SO inspiring. her dress, her shoes…but the decorations are completely out-of-this world fantastic! i seriously cannot decide what detail i love best, but the fun pops of color cannot be beat!

  22. , nobody should have to work like that; the heat, the dust, never seeing daylight in the winter months and, of course, never knowing if you will go home at the end of the shift.Darrell Scott's song 'Harlan' sums it up perfectly.

  23. A może by tak przemianowali Windowsa na Windowing Services for Xorg i doÅ‚Ä…czyli do niego odpowiednik “rozety” jabÅ‚uszkowej. Taki naprawdÄ™ klikalny UNIX, z peÅ‚nÄ… separacjÄ… kontekstów. To by miaÅ‚ szanse być dobry system.

  24. Felicitats. Ara faré com als òscars. A l’Avi per haver escrit el post. A l’Avi de l’Avi pels consells. I a l’Aviet (l’Avi xicotet) per seguir-lo. Un aplaudiment pel post i feliç 2007!

  25. Mooi gedaan, Gaab! Ik herken het wel; bij het (vroege) opstaan zie je mooi licht en je wéét gewoon waar dat in je eigen omgeving het beste tot z’n recht komt. Maar je doet er niets mee, want plicht roept )Trouwens jouw omgeving mag er zijn hoor, práchtig!!

  26. You mean more serious than defending your statement above regarding the silliness and stupidity of other people and ideas? People may think you say such things lightly after all.

  27. Mon homme utilise cette marque depuis des années. Il achète le déo bille, ça ne laisse pas de traces. C’est son médecin qui lui avait conseillé.Il en achète rarement parce qu’il est efficace plusieurs jours.

  28. ani tohle neomlouvá 55 golů za 5 zápasů. Novej tým? Já myslel, že skončil pouze nesměrák a to navíc ještě přišli Krupičkové z futuru. Derku neberu jako oslabení a golman novej tým nedělá.

  29. Olá, ajudei a desenvolver a voz do ESpeak para pt_BR, depois fiquei um tempo sem mexer e agora nos últimos dias tenho corrigido muitas palavras com pronúncia errada. nos próximos dias deve sair uma versão nova do ESpeak falando um pouco melhor em termos de pronúncia de palavras. Será uma daquelas versões de teste.[]sCleverson

  30. I have been seeking this information for a while. After two hours of online browsing, luckily I found it in your site. I wonder why Alexa dont display this kind of useful sites in the first few lines. Normally the first few web sites are full of craps. Maybe its time to use other search engine.

  31. Sheriff Joe Arpaio's investigation shouldn't take but an hour. After which arrest warrants will be issued, starting with the illegal alien criminal, Pelosi, etc., till all of congress is behind bars. And I do mean all of them. No excuses. I'd list my favorites, but I'm sure everybody has a few, heh heh heh. Can you imagine the load that will be lifted off our backs once these people are imprisoned and we regain our country and our lives back? This nightmare of living in tyranny is over.

  32. you are welcome nova1220:-)Yes, I know that it can be hard sometimes to know what to eat,it is like that for me too, not that I don’t know what is healthy but lack of ideas lolAnd it is a great way to plan your meal a week ahead,and you can also cook larger meals and put the rest in your freezer so it will be easy for you to bring them out and put them in your microwave.

  33. I would like to meet my paternal great great grandfather. He traveled from Georgia to Arkansas to Louisiana to Arkansas and back again to Louisiana in the early to late 1800s and apparently helped family and friends alike. Maybe he could tell me something about his grandfather who happens to be my brick wall and by what the indications show was a Revolutionary Soldier who was present at the surrender of Cornwallis. (by the way I really enjoy reading your posts. Keep up the great work.)

  34. Fabulous little decoration Paula and much nicer than a card. I like the fact that you've steered clear of the traditional colour palettes and images and created something akin to an old master.

  35. This cycle of reward you describe is so entrenched in the way most people live, Nicole. Your account of developing your relationship with yourself and how you became aware of how you could truly and deeply appreciate yourself was beautiful to read. Thanks for your honesty and openness to share it – warts and all.

  36. 125Hey , If CR7 read this message.I wanna tell you to try other dribbles in out of that bycycle,And tell to motherf*cker Pellegrini to add raul gonzales to squad. I love your free kick’s , and you football style .Kepp it up and help Real Madrid to win 10th UCL.20

  37. Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I’ve really enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. After all I will be subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you write again soon!

  38. I enjoy non-fiction. I especially like subjects like Henry the VIII. I am now reading Van Gogh by steven Naifeh and Gregory White Smith.I loved The Help and Sarahs Key even though they were fiction.

  39. Awesome post!! I feel the same way right now, although it’s a bit harder because the baby is still so little. But he’s starting to sleep more consistently (yay!), and once I’ll have time during the day, I can focus more on what I need to do (and rest is most definitely on the top of that list!)Excellent job

  40. Na samotnou lipo asi ne, ale obycejne to tak daleko nedojde. Staci ale lipo pripojit paralelne a uz se to prevali. Staci nabijeci kablik a dva klipy.Nabijec by to tak daleko nenechal dojit ale zkousel jsem kufrik s vyhrivanim. Taky spatne. Musim pridat na fasadu zatepleni.

  41. The one thing you want to keep in the back of your mind when looking at this data is that these are the properties that sold, not the ones that didn’t.Back of my mind? Looking at the data, that thought comes right to the front. If a condo goes for 335, now I know why another condo (same model, same complex, same assessed value) listed near 390 is still on the market. I happen to know another unit of the same model went for 345 a month ago.

  42. Hej Emma – FED idé! Jeg er helt klart kunde hvis det kommer sÃ¥ langt! Dog tror jeg du skal huske pÃ¥ at god kvalitet ogsÃ¥ oftest koster. Materialerne er oftest dyrere og produktionen skal ogsÃ¥ helst foregÃ¥ under rimelig vilkÃ¥r for arbejderne. SÃ¥ løber prisen altsÃ¥ op. SÃ¥ det bliver helt sikkert rigtig svært at fÃ¥ bÃ¥de rigtig god kvalitet og lave priser, men hvis det kan lade sig gøre er jeg, som sagt, allerede kunde!

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  45. So, I’m working on a query to a particular agent, but right now I have no clue as to whether or not she has a blog or anything like that, so I can’t personalize in that department. However, I have labored and stressed for this query to meet their standards (which was not easy). Does this count as personalization or does it just show that I paid attention to the guidelines?

  46. Caro Ricardo,Eu é que agradeço pelas suas palavras e pela correcção. Foi uma distracção tremenda, não só que deixou passar um "falso amigo", como não fazia qualquer sentido em português.Obrigado!Pedro

  47. know who got awarded for the biggest liar of 2009, Sarah Palinno kidding just fact check them yourself.Its funny you say, that I follow whatever TYT and MSNBC says,I dont, I disagree sometimes with them,and you can have a rational discussion about it.But you guys, have Fox News,everyone outside your party knows thatthey twist every news story.when soldiers die,their top story on Fox are,ACORN ?wtf??,

  48. oo Senhor ja tem idéia de como será o proximo concurso Dr? Vai ser com fotos antigas também? Abraços e Espero o proximo concurso pra mim ganhar : ) …Abraços

  49. O validate não aceita referências que não seja classe ou id. Isto geraria várias inconsistências. Talvez tenha outra solução melhor e precise de mais detalhes do seu caso. Vários formulários com names iguais? Na hora de passar o validate você deve especificar apenas um, o ideal é uma regra por campo, mas se terá campos iguais talvez guardando o objeto em variáveis ajudaria no reaproveitamento. Como disse, estou falando sem saber detalhes da necessidade.Esperto que tenha ajudado e boa sorte.

  50. Sempre precisamos de alguem, mas as palavras sção otimas as quem as colocam de modo,,,hoje sabedoria esta em falta um dom marabilhoso qeu Deus nos deu criatividades……mas vamos a luta e seremos firmes e forte…juntos venceremos…

  51. I’ve never done the AI thing, and haven’t caught FNL either (see my previous day’s comment for the pathetic reasons why)….while I would give FNL a shot, with my love of football, I just can’t pull the trigger on AI. It feels like a creepy, overblown updated version of Star Search to me. And before you start criticizing yourself for writing about “terrible, rancid, crap unworthy of watching, listening to, and thinking about,” join me for my closet Jerry Springer addiction sometime….then we can talk. I’m so ashamed.

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  53. Having kids is not diffiucult. Raising them is the CHALLENGE. To have or not to have is the question. That’s the problem with two intelligent people. They don’t make a lot of babies. Which leaves a real big worldwide deficit of intelligent babies and humans.

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  56. Vielen Dank dem aufmerksamen Leser. Duden erlaubt “üble Machenschaften” – und auch dunkle. Puristen mögen wahrscheinlich auch “Kabale” oder “Ränke”.

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  58. Naomi- It’s great that your husband takes the time to inform people. I especially love that he stands up for extended nursing- not always popular in the US. Also, homebirth dads rock!

  59. Acredito que você fala de funk carioca, pois o funk norte-americano, derivado do R&B e do Soul, possui artistas, que fizeram parte do movimento ou experiências musicais nele, do calibre de Stevie Wonder, James Brown, Herbie Hancock, Prince, Funkadelic, etc., que são muito importantes para a música popular a partir dos anos 70/80, tendo impacto no jazz, no rock e servindo como principal alicerce do hip-hop.

  60. Further to David’s above conclusion, we note that whilst one typical nuclear reactor might have a power output of around 1000 MWe, many nuclear power plants have two, three or more reactor units — therefore, the number of nuclear power plants needed is codonspreringly smaller again.

  61. предчувствие бесполезности

    Хотя бОльшая часть жизни потрачена на попытки «соответствовать», тем не менее не жалею — столько доказательств уже ничем не опровергнешь.

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